Every time Vanessa Mbeve rejoins Tinder or another dating site, she faces the dilemma of whether to include her disability in her profile. Often, she chooses to omit it initially, disclosing only after a potential match gets to know her. She admits this is not fully authentic, describing it as performing an edited, socially acceptable version of herself that she believes others connect with.

By focusing on her interests—being a foodie, a history and art enthusiast, and a lover of long conversations—she aims to communicate, "Look, I am just like you. Don't put me in a box."

At times, Mbeve includes her disability upfront, driven by acceptance and exhaustion from pretending otherwise. She reflects on the self-imposed, unwritten rules of what is considered "normal" in dating, which she now recognizes were enforced only by herself.

For every 20 profiles she swipes on, she encounters one from a person with a disability, recognizing similarities in their words. However, disclosure during the chatting phase often leads to instant unmatches, dead-end conversations, and sometimes intrusive questions such as, "Does your disability prevent you from being sexually active?"

These experiences leave her with a sinking feeling that she has set herself up for failure, turning dating into a chore.

This personal account highlights the complex emotions and social challenges faced by people with disabilities in the dating world.

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